Thursday, 27 July 2017

REALITY BEHIND SOCIAL MEDIA: ANXIETY



Instagram is always full of smiles, palm trees, blue seas, happiness and positivity. Really because I don't want to post anything negative on my page. I personally like to be a happy positive person, and hopefully spread that onto other peoples days. Even if im having a bad day myself. 
On my most recent trip to Barbados, I posted a lot of photos onto my Instagram page.. I was genuinely enjoying myself during these photos. But you would never of known that the night before I had a massive panic attack whilst alone in Barbados. This was ridiculously scary, as so many people don't really understand panic attacks.. or what they are or how they can make you feel. Being crew was always a worry of mine because I was terrified I would have panic attacks whilst down route.. Thankfully this was my first ever time. And I like to think the last. 

The problem is, I felt I could not tell anyone, I felt so alone and scared.. I was at a beach bar with crew when I started to feel my chest tightening up, my stomach turning, started to feel anxious and agitated. I cancelled my food order and left quickly without giving any excuses.. within minutes of leaving and walking back to the hotel It started.. it was horrible I was crying I felt so scared and alone.. Luckily my dad was still awake in England and I managed to get hold of him.. poor guy this must of been terrifying for him to hear me the way I was but not be able to help.  I got to my room and a hour later of being on the phone to my dad, I eventually calmed down and the panic attack ended. It terrifies me to think what would of happened if he didn't answer the call.

The next day I had really puffy eyes (hence always wearing sunglasses) and had the worst headache.. I went for breakfast and opened up to my manager what happened last night and they were angry I never contacted them. This is the issue with anxiety, you never know if people actually want to help.. if they actually understand? Because I feel when I do have panic attacks, to others it could look like im being super dramatic AF. 

However, anxiety is such a common thing, and we should be able to speak openly and public about it. The reason behind this post is being we should never look at other peoples social medias and think they have a perfect life. Realistically everyone has their own battles. If you looked at my page you think im maybe on one huge holiday travelling the world. But reality is it can be really lonely sometimes. I don't post the bad stuff.. the 3am wake up call from crew rest when my eyes are red and I just want to curl up and sleep. The angry passengers when you run out of their meal choice, the anxious feeling when you feel alone in another country. Or missing home.

Quite often people message me on Instagram saying I have a perfect life, and I wish I could just reply saying its good but no where near perfect... but I feel these days you can't say that. You just have to thank them or send lots of love heart smiley face emojis. 

Thanks for reading x
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6 comments

  1. This is probably one of my favorite posts of yours yet. Well done & thank you for writing so personally about suffering from anxiety. I too, struggle with it sometimes and it's so difficult to talk about to others with the worry that they won't understand.
    I hope your panic attack was a one off & you don't struggle alone again xxx

    www.charlotteeveritt.co.uk

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    1. Wow thank you so much doll! It's really difficult but I do feel more people open up about it now :) aww yeah I haven't had one since thankfully! Xxx

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